No, You Can’t

Is “No” All You’ve Heard?

How many times while growing up did you hear some version of these words?

No, that’s not for you.
No, you can’t do that.
You’re not able to do that.

And one of my personal favorites:

Women don’t do that.

Sometimes it was about a job. Sometimes a skill, a sport, a hobby, or even an event someone decided wasn’t meant for you.

Then there are people who experienced something different but just as limiting. Their parents or families barely noticed what interested them at all. No encouragement. No one saying, “Why don’t you try?” Eventually, you can stop trying new things because you’ve learned not to expect anyone to care whether you succeed.

I responded differently sometimes. Tell me I couldn’t do something, and occasionally I made it my goal to prove that I could. It probably didn’t matter to the people who told me no. They may not even have remembered saying it.

But it mattered to me.

Every time I learned something they said I couldn’t learn, tried something they said wasn’t for me, or simply refused to accept someone else’s limitations, I proved something to myself.

I didn’t have to be perfect at it. I didn’t even have to be particularly good at it. I just had to discover for myself what I was capable of.

I wonder how many talents and interests are lost because someone heard “no” before they ever had a chance to try.

How many people might have become artists, mechanics, musicians, scientists, athletes, writers, pilots, or something no one around them imagined if just one person had said:

“Here, let me show you how.”

Or:

“You’re not there yet. Let’s work on it.”

There is a tremendous difference between telling someone they can’t do something and helping them discover whether they can.

Maybe as a society we should say no a little less when someone wants to learn. Maybe we should say:

Try it.

Let me help you learn.

Let’s work on it together.

And perhaps most importantly:

Don’t let someone else decide what you are capable of before you’ve had the chance to find out for yourself.

What is something someone once told you that you couldn’t or shouldn’t do, but you tried anyway?